someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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