and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
