Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
