He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
