Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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