Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
