and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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