It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
