You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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