I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
