Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
