Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
