remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
