You smell like stripper and shame
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
