Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
