Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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