How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
