i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A+ Viking dick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
