In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
