I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
