Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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