I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
