but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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