I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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