I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize