So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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