Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hippo gnu deer
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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