just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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