she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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