Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
