I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
