She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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