I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
