When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so let's talk penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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