tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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