Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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