I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
