And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
