Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
