We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
