brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
