I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
