I think my fart just growled at me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize