i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
