Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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