I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
