Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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