This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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