She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
