absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
