he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
