i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
