Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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