at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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