I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
