Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
