Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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