A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
