Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
