I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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