Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
