Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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