so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
