i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
