I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
