Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
