If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
