Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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