I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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