Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just tell him i said nine months
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
