Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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