According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
